Motherhood, what a ride it’s been, not that I’m too far into it, with little S only being 4 ½, But that first year seems like a lifetime ago. As a newly sober woman and new (single) mother, I was living one day at a time. I truly cherished every moment that not only I took a breathe but so did she.
This tiny little perfect being that I had made keep me dizzy. I remember feeling like the world was spinning and all I could focus on was her and I. I was living on a natural high. Although we were dead broke and barely scraping by, I was probably the happiest I had ever been.
Fast forward to now; I have a sassy little mini me and I struggle to focus on her for longer than 5 minutes without being frustrated or annoyed. I see her acting out, yet don’t realize why she’s acting out until it’s too late. I’m a control freak to the max and really struggle internally with allowing her to lead the way. She, unfortunately is also a control freak and struggles to allow anyone else to take the lead. Guilt. It all makes me feel to guilty.
I feel guilty over the dishes being dirty.
I have guilt about “not making enough money.”
I’m guilty for working 9 to 5 then as soon as I walk in the door, I pick up on building our future.
I have guilt for having my own personal struggles and needing time to focus on those.
I have guilt over Every Single Little Thing Possible. It’s like I cannot go through this journey without it. And trust me when I say this, your Child will pick up on your guilt. She will feel that something is off with you. She will notice the stress and uneasiness in your voice and mannerisms.
Do not let the guilt win.
Do not let your child pick up on it.
I believe a lot of my own mom guilt comes from outside sources, not all of it, but a large percentage of it, comes from other parents. Other mom’s are extremely quick to jump on eachother with those judging eyes and very vocal opinions.
Don’t let the other parents win. Don’t let your own preconceived notions of parenting win. Don’t let mainstream media win.
Embrace your Mom guilt and cope with it.
Take some time to get to the bottom of what is causing all that guilt and work through it. So often we are told all of these tips about parenthood, yet no one reminds us to take care of ourselves and what that looks like. As I was planning this post out I had someone ask me if I had an undiagnosed learning disability. She said, you’re very bright, but if school was that hard on you, maybe there was a missing piece that no one saw. Which is a very real possibility. As my adult years have come on, I’ve wondered personally, if I do have some sort of ADD or ADHD that was never caught. So in taking care of myself, I will find out if this is a possibility. Taking care of yourself can take any form really. It could be a little as making that quick stop at your favorite coffee shop on the way to pick up, or as big as making a doctors appointment and literally taking care of yourself.
We are told to be the advocate for our children’s needs and sometimes I think we need to remember that we also have to be our own advocates. We all have needs.
Stop letting the mom guilt win.
Take care of them